Mediocre People
by Lonelysubmarine
Summary: Their eyes connect and he, once again, feels the sinking feeling he’s been feeling for months, although it could have been years with the way he is. Chuck/Nate.


**Title:** Mediocre People.  
**Rating:** R  
**Word Count:** 1,288  
**Pairing/Character:** Chuck, Nate. Chuck/Nate. Slight Chuck/Blair.  
**Summary:** Their eyes connect and he, once again, feels the sinking feeling he's been feeling for months, although it could have been years with the way he is.  
**Warnings:** Slash, Angst; Spoilers (Slight) for 'A Thin Line Between Chuck And Nate'.  
**Author's Note:** Chuck is, and will always be, my favorite character.

_**Mediocre People**_

Chuck feels his entire body slam, as hard as it possible can without breaking anything, against the back of his car

Chuck feels his entire body slam, as hard as it possible can without breaking anything, against the back of his car. When Nate's hands are around his neck he wishes they were somewhere else. (Cold as ice and hot as fire. It's like finally being able to breath.)

He hears strangled words about sleeping with Blair, it hurts and his neck is on fire. He's worried that Nate might punch him at some point and finds that he would have preferred it to what was said. (_Stay away from me, Chuck!_ He almost breaks, it hurts worse than the punch would have; more then the punch could have.)

He says the words to Blair, when she walks into the restaurant; because the bitterness is eating him up inside. He notices, with dark satisfaction, the look on her face when he speaks the words and notes the words she'd just said to him. So Nathaniel wasn't talking to either of them? That seemed fair. Chuck was worried for a moment, he's still not sure how long that moment lasted, that Nathaniel would just forgive Blair like he does every time and Chuck would be left alone, again. (All is fair in love and war. Only, this isn't really war, and only Chuck's side, of the entire situation, is love.)

Chuck's sick of all the games they play. They're not fun, not anymore. Too much is on the line and he doesn't feel like risking it all just to lose, because he knows he's never had any luck. Ever.

Chuck's drinking himself into a coma and he knows that he shouldn't, but the loss of the love of his life _and_ his best friend have driven him to a dark place. He can't stop thinking about the first time he fucked Blair and of all the conversations he had with Nate after the event happened. He covered, he worried, he almost grabbed Nate, and he almost told him ten thousand times. Chuck, however, has always been a coward, why would it end with Nate? (It started with him; started with Nate and his perfection that Chuck could never touch.)

The last days of school are barely manageable; he feels like he's going to die when he sits next to Nate in every class and knows these short times will probably be the last times he'll see him. (Some times the truth hits low and hurts hard.)

"Chuck?" He turns around to the voice he hasn't heard in months. He _would_ be elated, but he feels something growing in the pit of his stomach; it won't end well. (Like something will explode and kill them all. Except that this is worse than that because they won't die after this.)

"Yes, Nathaniel?" Chuck just hopes he kept his voice strong, although he knows he probably failed for the billionth time since this started. (Not shocking.)

"The world fell apart." Nate doesn't say anything more and when Chuck looks him in the eyes he knows he's not seeing what he wants, the depression, the sadness, is there; it's really real. Chuck lets his own depression, the stuff he's been hiding with too much alcohol, too many men, and spending too much time alone, seep in and take a strong hold on him. He feels the tears pricking his eyes. He doesn't want to shed a single one in front of Nate, even if he can't say he hasn't shed any _for_ him. He feels Blair's eyes on them. (No kind words for boyfriend stealers, or ex-lovers at that.)

He's feels hollow and empty as Nate brings up his hand and lets it play on the nape of Chuck's neck. His breathing hitches and his heart almost stops. _It just a game,_ he tells himself. It's just one of the many games that they've always played; they've been playing games that have broken each other, for each other, since they were young enough to understand sex and its meaning. Nothing will ever change; everything remains the same. (Why should something change? Change is constant; this will stay this way for a long time coming.)

Chuck knows that they're spinning, spinning out of control without an end in sight, but he can't help how he feels. Chuck bets that if you could chose who you like, who you love that most people wouldn't pick the person they feel it for; but you can't help who you like or love. Nate always said it's the gravity; that's what does it. So Chuck figures that it was gravity he should blame. It's gravity's fault for bringing him and Nate together in pre-school. (He never stood a chance against pretty eyes, long eye lashes, the sweetest voice he ever heard, and the nicest person he could have imagined.)

"You don't forgive me, do you?" Chuck's voice it full of pain, as much as he tries to hide it, and he watches as Nate turns around, his own shirt in his hand. Chuck's eyes refuse to go above Nate's chest; he doesn't want to see the look on his face.

"No, I don't. The world fell apart because you slept with her; I have nothing to really say." Chuck finally looks up and into Nate's face; anger residing within the beautiful eyes. He realizes that Nate doesn't recognize that Chuck's own world fell apart too, no matter what Nate, or Blair for that matter, tries to tell him.

Chuck moves forward slowly, trying to let his heart fall back into place and out of his throat. Nate looks down and grabs his pants off the white couch. Nate turns around and is slightly surprised, but Chuck thinks Nate might have know, and lets Chuck, _Chuck fucking Bass_, kiss him, again. They both understand and then fall back over onto the couch.

"Why did you do it?" Nate's voice is just as sweet as that first day, but the bitterness, Chuck can tell, is swallowing him whole.

"Envy." Chuck states blankly. He can't say anything else; he can't lie like that to Nate so he tells him the frightening truth.

"You wanted Blair _that_ much?" Chuck's hears the question, but not really. Instead he focuses in on the kicked puppy sound to Nate's voice before turning over in the bed and looking at the man lying next to him. Their eyes connect and he, once again, feels the sinking feeling he's been feeling for months, although it could have been years with the way he is.

"No." Nathaniel's eyebrow rises, Chuck note, he wasn't expecting that answer. "I wanted _you_ that much. I don't, and never have, felt more than mild interest in Blair. Sexually or as a person, she's not interesting." Chuck can see it when Nate realizes that it's always been for him. (Never about the girl with Chuck Bass; it's _always_ no matter how you look at it, just about a boy.)

Summer comes and goes and school starts again. Chuck's not ready to leave, so he does the rich boy thing and takes a year off. (He's really just following Nate's example.)

During their year off Chuck come to the painful realization that Nate's not the puppy, he is. Nate falls in love and he feels like he's been kicked; his world falls apart. (Nothing can stay the same.)

Nate runs back when his heart gets broken; Chuck comprehends the fact that no matter how things happen, he'll always be picking up the broken pieces of Nathaniel. (He's like a clean up crew; who gets sloppy seconds.)


End file.
